Ailing and invisible Dictator Paul Biya of La République du Cameroun has travelled to France “to take part in the Olympic Games opening ceremony”. That is the story being told by his lackeys. The truth, of which any La République du Cameroun citizen should hang their head in shame, is that he has gone to get medical treatment.

The “second personality”, himself not much younger or healthier, had gone before him … on his express authorisation for medical treatment. It would appear La République du Cameroun is not allowed to have any hospitals or medical facilities … apart, probably, from marabouts.

La République du Cameroun citizens have been trained to rate those who are influential enough to be able to be evacuated on high instructions for medical care in Europe. Only the crème de la crème are allowed to go to die in European hospitals on high instructions. That is why, after fort-two years of running La République du Cameroun no Camerounese citizen is shocked that their leaders travel to Europe for treatment, boarding private medicalised flying hospitals at colossal cost. Nobody is shocked because these are really important people who do need care to compensate for their selfless service to the nation, which they continue to bravely give well into their nineties.

So grateful are Camerounese that, while Mr Biya’s close circle are busy plotting intrigues to position themselves for the after-Biya, “opposition” parties are coalescing in grateful collectives to call for him to stand for re-election in 2025. Some eleven of these “presidential opposition” groups issued their first communique in only the second year of Mr Biya’s current soon-to-expire seven-year mandate. Yes, they had the foresight.

Before his trip to France, Mr Biya authorised his finance minister to go to the markets to borrow for development projects. La République likes borrowing and fighting wars and issuing decrees which are all very entertainment, if they were movie scripts but they are not. Still quite entertaining.

La République du Cameroun is the former French United Nations Trust Territory which aborted an ill-fated re-unification attempt with British Southern Cameroons by reverting to its 1960 independence day borders back in 1984. Unfortunately, Mr Biya, the author of the decision to secede from the unification attempt continued to illegally occupy the territory of British Southern Cameroons [HCB 28/92], now known as Ambazonia. In recent times La République du Cameroun’s illegal exploitation of Ambazonian resources has been “perturbed” leading to a shortage of income, which, in a country where investment and development are banned, one imagines, by the main beneficiary, the colonial mentor, France, given that more and more of “les gouvernants” ninety-somethings need to be evacuated at unsustainable cost for treatment. Add in the rampant corruption, which is the norm, and the complete incompetence and zombified populace and you have to be nuts to lend them your money!

Clearly the existence of La République du Cameroun and its methods testifies to the existence of “nuts”. As many still mistakenly imagine that La République includes “anglophone regions”, we the Ambazonians would just clarify that any undertakings – by La République du Cameroun only do bind La République du Cameroun as defined by their borders on the first of January 1960. In case the “nuts-lenders” come back and attempt to recount their woes to us, we just wish them to know beforehand that we have made it clear to La République Cameroun that we are separate and do not welcome their lethal brotherhood. They are not allowed to leverage our resources in any of their financial misadventures.

In any case, if you do come, you can see for yourselves that non of your money was spent on any development or infrastructure, whether in La République or in Ambazonia, but on helping would-be evolues live their dreams of being French.